


no need to worry, that's wasting time

by stars_inthe_sky



Series: Comrades [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, F/M, Gen, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-16 12:18:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1347175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars_inthe_sky/pseuds/stars_inthe_sky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Zombies! Why did it have to be zombies?" (Or: Tahiti sucked. Again.)</p><p>(Prompt for #buckynat week)</p>
            </blockquote>





	no need to worry, that's wasting time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [red_b_rackham](https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_b_rackham/gifts).



“Zombies! Why did it have to be zombies? We can deal with aliens, killer robots, every goddamn experimental human various world governments can come up with—”

“On behalf of approximately half the people you know,” Natasha mutters in between firing her twin pistols, “Hey!”

“—but fucking _zombies_ are now ruining my _fucking_ vacation and that is _not_ okay!” Clint grabs a revolver and unloads it on a sextet of the swaying undead that currently has them under siege in an unsecured beachfront hotel suite.

“It’s not a fucking vacation!” Bucky reminds him for the umpteenth time. “We’re here on a reconnaissance mission—”

“In Tahiti!”

“In Tahiti, where certain super-villains like to camp out!”

“You’ve just been pissed all week because you can’t walk around in a bathing suit!”

“Fuck you, Barton!” Bucky shouts, tossing aside his spent rifle.

“Last I checked, that’s still my exclusive territory,” Darcy comments from behind the overturned table where she’s reloading guns with whatever they’d managed to grab before barricading themselves in the room. “Bucky Bear, loaded gun incoming.” Bucky grimaces but grabs the fresh rifle from her without comment.

“You know who would be really useful during this kind of zombie apocalypse?” Clint asks, taking his turn to switch out weapons with Darcy.

“There’s more than one kind of zombie apocalypse?”

“Steve, right? We could use a few weapons that actually boomerang back to you.” He glances down at the empty quiver by his feet before resuming the barrage of bullets against the oncoming horde.

“You know it doesn’t actually—it’s not like it’s magic! He’s just good with the angles,” Bucky retorts. “Besides, if he were here, there’d probably be some very serious concern about the morality of mowing down zombies like this.”

“Because they used to be people and could be cured?” Darcy asks. “Hell no! We are shooting _all_ of them! Did you even see what they did to the pool cleaner guy out there? They didn’t even bite him! They just ripped him to pieces!”

“I saw! We all saw! That’s why we’re shooting guns out of a hotel room! _Chto za nahuy_ , how are there still _more_ of them?”

“At least it’s warm here,” Clint points out. “No heavy winter clothing crap in the way, no snow for them to hide in…damn, this was such a solid couples’ getaway three hours ago. Sorry, Darce.”

“Still not a vacation,” Bucky grumbles.

“It counts as vacation when your boss sends you to Tahiti with your girlfriend! Look, just ask Fury to ship you guys to the Alps or something next time.”

“Enough with the winter jokes! I’m trying to kill things!”

“Shut _up_ , both of you,” Natasha shouts. “Use whatever attention your ape brains can spare to figuring out how we get out of here.”

“There’s an airfield a couple of miles from here,” Darcy supplies.

“ _Thank you_ , some sense.”

“I _was_ technically sent here to run logistics for you guys, remember? Anyway, any of you superspies know how to hotwire a car? We’d need to get there somehow, and running through a zombie apocalypse for miles probably isn’t the best plan…”

“I can manage that, if you know the way. And if someone can fly us out of here.”

“Nat, you have _literally_ been sitting next to me on multiple occasions while I’ve flown a plane. I’d appreciate a little faith here,” Clint comments.

“I would be more concerned about taking off when surrounded by hordes of the undead,” Natasha points out. “Look, it’s starting to thin out a bit—I say we give it another couple of rounds and then make a run for it. I’ll lead; James, you bring up the rear. Clint, keep Darcy covered while she carries the supplies. Everybody shoot everything. Clear?”

“ _Da_ , except I’m leading,” Bucky says, breaking from his shooting to gesture with his metal arm. “Hits harder than muscle does and totally zombie-proof.”

“Right,” Clint says. “Darce, grab whatever’s left back there and give us a three-count. Barnes, that’ll be your cue.”

Within seconds, they’re ready, and Bucky heads for the door with a rifle in his right hand and another slung across his back. “ _Zgrite govno ee sdohnite, ublyudki_!”

He’s barely two steps and three gunshots out the door when a rope ladder suddenly appears in midair, about a foot above his head. “What the…”

“Get in, losers, we’re going zombie hunting!” Iron Man is hovering above the hotel, hooking the other end of the rope ladder to a SHIELD-branded helicopter. “SHIELD is quarantining this whole town, so start climbing if you’re interested in staying un-bitten.”

“We’re safe, Stark—on our way,” Clint shouts, and the four of them quickly shift to maneuver Darcy onto the ladder, followed by Clint and Natasha. Bucky is last to come up, though he manages to punch a couple of zombies on the way.

“You know,” Darcy says, after they’re all safely buckled into the back of the helicopter. “Not that I’m complaining— _at all_ —but we definitely had at least twice the amount of ammo I recommended for this mission in the briefing. And a whole bunch of people signed off on that thing, so I feel pretty good about my number. Any reason?”

“Well,” Natasha says with a sly grin. “It _was_ vacation.”

**Author's Note:**

> Courtesy of the amazing [afterandalasia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/afterandalasia):  
> 
> 
> Googling Russian curses at work is fun!
> 
> [red_b_rackham](http://archiveofourown.org/users/red_b_rackham) prompted: "apocalyptic AU" (and she likes zombies and Hawkeye)
> 
> Also posted [here](http://stars-inthe-sky.tumblr.com/post/80280462594/no-need-to-worry-thats-wasting-time) on Tumblr. Title from Joshua Radin's "[Paperweight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vb0kb7NSwKo)."


End file.
